Christmas Chaos Strategist Gifts

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"I hope that wish list you just sent to Santa wasn't too big." "Our server just crashed!"

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

'I hate when they do this.'

Christmas escape plan

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"I'm afraid I can't do anything unless you have a receipt."

Santa's Problem

Being the most famous reindeer of all has finally gone to Rudolph's head...

"Happy Christmas!"

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

"Have I (hic) godda deal for you."

Xmas wrapping paper blower.

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online

"The authorities say that two reindeer are the only survivors of the crash."