Christmas Chaos Strategist Pillows

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"I hope that wish list you just sent to Santa wasn't too big." "Our server just crashed!"

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

'I hate when they do this.'

Christmas escape plan

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

Mother making popcorn string whilst her child eats the other end.

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"I'm afraid I can't do anything unless you have a receipt."

"Happy Christmas!"

Honey?! Can you bring up two crowbars to Twig's room? What for? She needs help. Mo-om! You're being extreme. Done! You've got plenty of space to hang your new Christmas clothes. Ok. I'll clean out my closet. Our work is done!

Santa's Problem

Being the most famous reindeer of all has finally gone to Rudolph's head...

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

"For Christmas you got me a roll of wrapping paper? And you wrapped it?"

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

Crumpled pieces of paper form the shape of a Christmas tree.

"Have I (hic) godda deal for you."

"The authorities say that two reindeer are the only survivors of the crash."

Xmas wrapping paper blower.

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"