Christmas Strategist Pillows

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Looking for this? Now let's talk about that train set you didn't bring.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Friday, YOU were my Secret Santa?"

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'I hate when they do this.'

Christmas escape plan

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

Santa Claus Always Delivers

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'Let's see what Santa has in his sack for a little boy or girl...'

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."