Christmas Gift Strategist Pillows

'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

'I've got it written down...'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'But what do you sell?'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'I hate when they do this.'