Gift Strategist Pillows

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."

'Look Eric, you're not having the same thing again this year. You had sex last Christmas.'

"I think next year I'll go straight to my parents and cut out the middleman."

"Six ideas for $10 or $15 for a dozen."

"Regift the bicycle, but put this in my Panama pile."

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

'It's a slipper, Dad, you'll be getting the other one as a Christmas present.'

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

"If you want a special gift for Christmas you have to shop early."

"What I'd like for my birthday. Please listen carefully as my menu has changed..."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Santa called but you were out!

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

CEO.

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Regifts of the Magi

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'I've got it written down...'

Valentines Day truck

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

On the fifth day, Neville opts for jewelry.

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

Mother using candy cane to pull son away from toy window.