Gift Strategist Pillows

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."

'Look Eric, you're not having the same thing again this year. You had sex last Christmas.'

"I think next year I'll go straight to my parents and cut out the middleman."

"Six ideas for $10 or $15 for a dozen."

"Regift the bicycle, but put this in my Panama pile."

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

'It's a slipper, Dad, you'll be getting the other one as a Christmas present.'

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

"If you want a special gift for Christmas you have to shop early."

"What I'd like for my birthday. Please listen carefully as my menu has changed..."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

Santa called but you were out!

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

CEO.

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

It's a busy mother's day down there! The glucose molecule got his mom a box of sweets, the histamine brought flowers ... A sodium atom got bath salts, and the genes had a family portrait taken. Frank, the neuron didn't get a gift for his mother. No, he didn't but he always sends a nice message!

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Regifts of the Magi

'I've got it written down...'

Valentines Day truck

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?