Donation Strategist Pillows

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

The nonprofit dog fight.

Maple tree donating syrup at a syrup drive clinic.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

"It's that Silicon Valley foundation - they want to know if we'll match our grandson's $100 million donation."

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

Honey badger do care.

"Okay, we've donated to the Food Bank, Feed the Hungry, Food for Life, Hunger Helpers, Starving World, Second Helpings. . . is anyone else getting hungry?"

The shakedown escalates.

'Good news, men, when we give to the poor now, it will qualify for federal matching funds.'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

'It's pure psychology - as soon as I've finished my sermon on coverting wives and wordly goods. Get the collection plates round'.

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

"Done saving the world for today."

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

"No, there is not an annual cap on tithes."

'Have you seen my amplifier.'

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.

"Seems to start earlier every year."