Fundraising Strategist Pillows

'We need to strike the right tone between asking and deperately pleading in our alumni solicitation letters.'

'It's pure psychology - as soon as I've finished my sermon on coverting wives and wordly goods. Get the collection plates round'.

"Good boy."

"Our war is against cancer."

'If only every year was an election year.'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Pearly King and Queen

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

"With great power comes great reward."

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

Debating Society. I can accept that money is speech as long as we can agree that some spending is like yelling fire in a theater.

"Well, we got the grant."

Lincoln v. Douglas - 2020

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

The nonprofit dog fight.

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"Hang in there, pal. I launched a crowdfunding website for you."