Donation Strategist Gifts

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

Maple tree donating syrup at a syrup drive clinic.

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

The Andrews brothers had an ongoing competition of seeing who could donate a pint of blood the fastest.

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

"It's that Silicon Valley foundation - they want to know if we'll match our grandson's $100 million donation."

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

Honey badger do care.

"Okay, we've donated to the Food Bank, Feed the Hungry, Food for Life, Hunger Helpers, Starving World, Second Helpings. . . is anyone else getting hungry?"

The shakedown escalates.

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

'Good news, men, when we give to the poor now, it will qualify for federal matching funds.'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"Funding for 'Nova' is provided by Merck and Lockheed, by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by annual financial support from viewers like you."

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

'Have you seen my amplifier.'

'It's pure psychology - as soon as I've finished my sermon on coverting wives and wordly goods. Get the collection plates round'.

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

"Done saving the world for today."

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

"No, there is not an annual cap on tithes."

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."

Don't think of it as tithing. Think of it as a cover charge.

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.