Christmas Logistics Strategist Gifts

'I hate when they do this.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

"Yes, we've accepted late deliveries before... but 75 years!!!"

"You guys in Fulfillment have done wonders with your logistics formula."

Christmas escape plan

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

Santa's elevator

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"We're sending you on special assignment to analyze our shipping problems."

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"

"It's all part of the new normal."

Under New Management.

That side up.

"I've got a great deal for us...if we're willing to sponsor Christmas."

"Santa's workshopping"

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"