Black Friday Strategist Gifts

"Last Black Friday I bought these pillows to be prepared for this Black Friday."

Cut Price

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

Honesty in retail

Orderly Conduct of Sales

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'I've got it written down...'

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"I got it in the sales."

'Our giant sale now on!'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

Giant Sale!

"I'd pack light if it wasn't for the shoes."

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

"Hey, I just got a burst of consumer confidence- let's go buy something."