Black Friday Strategist Gifts

"Last Black Friday I bought these pillows to be prepared for this Black Friday."

Cut Price

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Honesty in retail

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

Orderly Conduct of Sales

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"I got it in the sales."

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

'I've got it written down...'

Giant Sale!

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Our giant sale now on!'

"I'd pack light if it wasn't for the shoes."

"Hey, I just got a burst of consumer confidence- let's go buy something."