Historical Humor Fan Gifts

"John, do you know anything about fighting a duel this morning?"

'What I've just has my teeth whitened,'

Noah's Architect

"So why do they call you Dances with Wolves?"

Shakspeare a little altered. - 'He lived not wisely, but too well.'

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'Could you please bring Marco Polo a fork.'

'I do my best work to a rumba beat.'

"What? Banned from another dating site?"

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'Now, do we pluck, tar, and re-feather, or just go straight to tar?'

I was always quite a disappointment to my parents. They wanted me to become a doctor.

'I like a man in a suit.'

'The Merry Men are NOT groupies!'

'And make sure you leave things as they are.'

Marriage a la Mode - Breakfast scene.

'Look Arthur! Your Holy Grail!'

If Barack had gone to Middle School with Vladimir Putin.

'I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?'

"Wake up, Gustav! Hey! Wake up!"

"Looks like something was going on in the stone age that they didn't want the bronze age to know about."

"It's safe to go out now -- the paparazzi are all following Lady Godiva."

"Where the devil are they all!"

"Does sir wish us to airmail his receipt?"

Why the Romans stopped serving alcohol at sporting events.

Ironing board.

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

Shakespearean domestic argument.

'Okay, but these are really going to stress everybody out.'

'It's the latest fad, sire, it's called twitter.'

'It appears to be a weapon, but how do we deploy it against our rivals.'

'Alcoholics Anonymous wouldn't take him -- he's too well-known.'

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

'He's getting dreadfully lazy -- he fell asleep in front of the jester last night.'

'It's walking! It's walking!'