Historical Humor Fan Gifts

"John, do you know anything about fighting a duel this morning?"

'What I've just has my teeth whitened,'

Noah's Architect

"So why do they call you Dances with Wolves?"

Shakspeare a little altered. - 'He lived not wisely, but too well.'

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'Could you please bring Marco Polo a fork.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'Now, do we pluck, tar, and re-feather, or just go straight to tar?'

I was always quite a disappointment to my parents. They wanted me to become a doctor.

'I like a man in a suit.'

'The Merry Men are NOT groupies!'

'And make sure you leave things as they are.'

Marriage a la Mode - Breakfast scene.

'Look Arthur! Your Holy Grail!'

If Barack had gone to Middle School with Vladimir Putin.

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

'Alcoholics Anonymous wouldn't take him -- he's too well-known.'

'He's getting dreadfully lazy -- he fell asleep in front of the jester last night.'

'It's walking! It's walking!'

'It appears to be a weapon, but how do we deploy it against our rivals.'

'Okay, but these are really going to stress everybody out.'

Shakespearean domestic argument.

"Where the devil are they all!"

Ironing board.

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

Old Maid

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Dancing Queen

"Does sir wish us to airmail his receipt?"

Why the Romans stopped serving alcohol at sporting events.

"It's safe to go out now -- the paparazzi are all following Lady Godiva."

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

Bloody Vandals

"Love the yak boots, Gengis."