Historical Comedy Fan Gifts

Rival bus conductors

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

A knight struggling to fit into his armour

Charles Darwin, stand-up comic

Dueling Meerschaums...

HMS Pinafore

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

"Bonk!"

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

"I'd like you to see an Anthropologist.''

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Raping and pillaging, Seniors' Tour, 898AD.'

Early attempts at standardising currency.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

Nanki Poo

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

Emergency Disguise at the CIA

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"