Historical Anecdotes Gifts

Sooner or Later

'When I was your age we had to carry our water from the spring in a bucket...and then we'd get it out with a dipper!'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

A Hole in the Dike

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'Caesar salad?'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

Rocket Ark

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"I've been window-shopping..."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Newton discovers surrealism

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

Margaret Cavendish

"Now that you mention it, I think that I too may have a Master's in Education."

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

'Okay, but don't try to operate it until I invent insurance.'

Why the dodo became extinct

Ok, who told him to stick his tongue on the iceberg?

'I'd like now to introduce Len who will tell slightly humourous stories in his inimicable self-serving way,'

"Ha, ha, wait … so Cheryl from accounting, ha, ha, ha, is your, ha, ha, wife?!!"

"I just invented this. I call it "freezer bag"."

Napkin Writer

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

'The 'Lord's Prophet,' eh? - I don't remember voting for you!'

He began with an anecdote, spoke off the cuff, digressed from an aside, and flew off on a tangent.

'If you didn't know how long a cubit was, you should have asked...'

'Remember, me, anything short of victory, and civil war buffs will be replaying your defeat in battlefield re-enactment for generations to come.'

"When we said 'Lead us not into temptation,' we didn't mean it had to be a DESERT!"