Humorous Anecdotes Gifts

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"I've been window-shopping..."

Newton discovers surrealism

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

"If it weren't for lobby security tapes I wouldn't even know I had a bald spot on the top of my head."

'When I was your age we had to carry our water from the spring in a bucket...and then we'd get it out with a dipper!'

'I'd like to return this snake. It's suffering from reptile dysfunction.'

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

'Okay, but don't try to operate it until I invent insurance.'

'I'd like now to introduce Len who will tell slightly humourous stories in his inimicable self-serving way,'

"Ha, ha, wait … so Cheryl from accounting, ha, ha, ha, is your, ha, ha, wife?!!"

"I just invented this. I call it "freezer bag"."

Napkin Writer

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

'Could you just sign it 'Bobby'.'

"There's Colonel Clapworthy alone with his memories - dirty old devil!"

Sooner or Later

'Marriage is sharing, Carol, so I'm happy you earn twice as much as me.'

'No, nothing permanent. Just maybe spend a little less time together each day, that's all.'

'Bloody hell, Jack and Jill! Can't you do a simple thing like fetch a pail of water without getting stoned?'

'He'll not be writing any more quick-fire gags now he's crawling along at that speed, eh, Ern?'

'I gave Brian his marching orders last night and he goose-stepped round the bedroom!'

"Don't you remember? We were at Herb and Sally's."