Humor Stories Gifts

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Apricots

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

Dog training

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Mister Oedipus.

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

Hell's Schlegel

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?