Fun Stories Gifts

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

Silence of the Chickens...

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Moby Dick

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'Please, Grandpa Turkey! Tell us about the Christmas massacre and the Thanksgiving bloodbath!'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"I wouldn't worry about the big bab wolf - he can't muster much puff."

Adam and Eve in Paradise

The Rivalry Begins

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"