Fan Of Funny Stories Gifts

"This one allows release of your information to a sitcom."

Packaging Russian Dolls

Raised by Dogs

"Bless You."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

'Hon, I'm home!'

Girl in cow onesie.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

"I'm not normally a big fan of slapstick comedy, but seeing ol' Hotchkiss there..."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

After this embarrassing incident, the woman who lived in a shoe finally checked herself into odor-eaters anonymous.

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration: "'War and Punishment'...it''ll make us a fortune."

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

'How was your luck, dear?'

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

Remember you predicted some 'difficulties' with my bank?

'Nah, the Boss ain't in yet. Can I 'elp?'

'You really should believe in yourself.'

Beach Attraction

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

'What do you think about renewable energy?'

A Human balloon being sold to a child balloon.

'Is $8.5 million really worth all this?'

'... And the last thing I remember saying was, 'It oughta be a sin to look this good.''

"Occupied!"

I slept funny last night!

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

Arm puncture...

'You're healthy as an eohippus!'