Lover Of Funny Stories Gifts

'Come on, admit it, Mr.Crawford! We had you going there for a second, didn't we?'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

'Right, now learn this trick...'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

Road signs of Aging

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

Making sure the pitcher is up for the job.

'I've written you a song' - 'Oh, that's very kind of you. What's it called?' - 'It's called 'I'll stay with you forever baby.'' - 'How sweet. Let me hear it...' - 'Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

'How was your luck, dear?'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

'Oh yeah, I forgot.'

"You really miss the old grandfather, don't you dear."

"Let's go in here. Word has it that his cave drawings are nothing but nudes."

'This building inspector is so darn obstinate and bullheaded.'

Golfer in a tree.

'Pavlov's first experiment'

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

Mitch Decides to Take A 15 Minute Coffee Break To Voice His Opinion.

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

Sex Score

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"Mommm! I know you said ''no,' but it wasn't your usual firm 'no' that I admire and respect so much!"