Humor Stories Pillows

'A wolf in sheep's clothing is one thing, but Grandma's clothing... Are you gay or something?!'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"This city is becoming unlivable."

Apricots

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

Dog training

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

Hell's Schlegel

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"