Anecdotal Historian Gifts

Margaret Cavendish

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

Famous Pieces of Paper

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Newton discovers surrealism

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

'I never rule out any negotiating tool!'

Clearing up medals.

"You look good for your age."

Bullsheviks.

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

Style

'I've been extremely worried about our prospects of survival since the brontosauruses go nuclear weapons.'

"Who gives a crap if it's not clear in 246 years?"

Gladstone's Retirement

'These are the happiest days of your life.'