Historical Stories Gifts

A Hole in the Dike

'Boy, will this drought ever end?'

'Of course they haven't been tested on animals!'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Silence of the Chickens...

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

The Elliot Ness monster.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Moby Dick

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

"Remember when we had to get along on twenty-one dollars a month!"

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'