Hiss-terically Funny Gifts

'I don't know, Thelma, I've checked three times now, and I can't find a flat.'

"I said slime."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Demonic Repossession.

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'Sheep striptease'.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

Snowman Tattoo

'He has his father's feet.'

'See? Tantor like Jane -- he want Jane give belly rub!'

Bat out of Hell

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

Senseless clowning around

Factory Recall Unicorn.

"You said a moment ago that everybody you look at seems to be a rabbit. Now just what do you mean by that, Mrs. Sprague?"

'Without thinking Captain Hook uses the wrong hand'

"You folks ready to order?"

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"I am in so much trouble."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

"I was quite pleased to find a job which allows me to see more of my husband."

Cow Milking Herself.

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

"Unexpected item in the bagging area..."

A heron wearing waders.

"Oh, Bruno! Just look at the subtle hues in those tulips!"

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'