Hiss-terical Humorist Gifts

"He's normally not affectionate, but he has really taken a liking to you!2

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

Sock Puppet in Literature

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I said slime."

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"Remember when we kicked him off Mars?"

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

Mars probe discovers life similar to earth.

Drunken singers in a public house

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"You'd think they never heard of 'catch and release' before."

'Sheep striptease'.

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

Man blows horn and bubbles come out.

Moon Pies.

Gangsta wrap.

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

Hipster Police Department

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

'Ms Grimski, prepare to invade earth.'

Arresting Adam and Eve

'See? Tantor like Jane -- he want Jane give belly rub!'

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Snowman Tattoo