Intergalactic Humorist Gifts

'Be home by eleven and stay away from earth!! All that place is good for is fighting and killing!!'

'The source of the Perseid meteor shower isn't quite what I expected.'

These humans are very primitive...some of them still judge eachother on the basis of their SKIN PIGMENTATION!

Astronaut notices sign on alien planet for lost luggage.

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

"Remember when we kicked him off Mars?"

"You are the universe's designated local area representative."

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

"We're running low on Lithium Power, Captain! I've flipped them around and now I'm rubbing them but they've not got much juice left!"

Mars probe discovers life similar to earth.

'Ms Grimski, prepare to invade earth.'

In The Universe Only Two Places Exist Where Time Is Infinitely Extendible.

Personnel - Equal Opportunities Employer.

Small laughing space creatures.

'You're so insecure. You always abduct morons, just so you can feel superior.'

'Cut me off if I start ordering Marstinis.'

quick back to the spaceship

'What do you mean you're only human?? That's no excuse for running a red light!!'

"We've agreed, then—earthlings cannot join the Intergalactic Federation until they've improved the quality of their sitcoms."

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

God Sneezes Out Creation

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Clown God

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"