Intergalactic Jokester Gifts

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

Seances of the future

"So how are the natives - are they friendly?" "Why don't you ask Frank."

'Unfortunately, the aliens who abducted Leon had a 'Catch and Release' program.'

"Here it is, world! Extra-terrestrial intelligence! Me!"

"Can you take over the controls? I've got to take a number 4!"

"Bloody satellites..!"

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Not now, Oliver."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Remember when we kicked him off Mars?"

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

Mars probe discovers life similar to earth.

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

"You'd think they never heard of 'catch and release' before."

Cosmonaughty

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

'Ms Grimski, prepare to invade earth.'

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

Black Hole Corks

'OK, who stuck that wedding confetti star on it?'