Cosmic Jokester Gifts

"Ohhh! Now I get it!"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"... and that's the North Star. Knowing its location helps you chart a safe journey."

'They're plowing you? -- how does it feel?', 'Groovy!'

"Tell the whole world why don't you?!"

"What do you use to relieve the burning and itching of asteroids?"

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'Welcome to heaven buddy! We got some stronger stuff inside, but this will get you into the mood.'

'It's definitely a global warming.'

'Don't look at me - I didn't have anything to do with Tunguska!'

'Well, I don't WANT to become one with any Universe that HE'S one with!'

On the way back from Mars, you wanna swing by the moon, just for laughs?

'I'm a nurse and my husband, Phil,is a manager at Saturn motors.'

There's life, but not necessarily intelligent.

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'We've been picking up some broken transmissions from earth. It seems they have weapons of mass destruction but they don't know where they put them.'

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"We seem to be picking up background radiation from two sources. Was there also a little bang?"

Cosmonaughty

The First Man to Ride the Moon

Air 50 Cents

"According to my readings the moon really is made of cheese. Judging by its consistency, I think we've landed in Brie!!"

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"Not now, Oliver."

New Planets

"Oh, those guys! Are they still taking Steroids?!"

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

Museum. The Universe. "Light-years"? Boy, they have low-calorie everything these days!

Hello, you've reached Gavrilo O'Leary. If you're calling because you're the aliens in the UFO I saw through my telescope this morning

'They always call it 'Noah's flood,' like it was my fault or something!'

Stand up comedians from outer space.

"Let me get this straight. You named your other planets after deities, but your own after dirt?"