Intergalactic Jokester Mugs

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

Seances of the future

Sadie, they say the Andromeda galaxy's on a collision course with outs, and it's a lot closer than it was when earth was first created. So what, dorkboy? Is that true? You're the perfect person to ask if it's really gotten closer. Was it even big enough to see in the sky, back in the hadean eon when you were a kid? You should've said "Jurassic era." Nobody know what "hadean eon" is. I give that sad attempt a 2 out of 5. Had they already invented 2 and 5 when you were a kid?

"So how are the natives - are they friendly?" "Why don't you ask Frank."

'Unfortunately, the aliens who abducted Leon had a 'Catch and Release' program.'

"Here it is, world! Extra-terrestrial intelligence! Me!"

"Can you take over the controls? I've got to take a number 4!"

"Bloody satellites..!"

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Not now, Oliver."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Remember when we kicked him off Mars?"

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

Mars probe discovers life similar to earth.

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

Cosmonaughty

"You'd think they never heard of 'catch and release' before."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

The first transatlantic communication.

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

'Ms Grimski, prepare to invade earth.'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

Moon's Portaloo.