Interstellar Humorist Gifts

"Y'all look like dog people to me."

"You'll have to excuse him. He's a gassy planet."

'They're plowing you? -- how does it feel?', 'Groovy!'

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

"You'd think they never heard of 'catch and release' before."

'Yes Houston, I did sound the horn!!'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"B*****d!"

'An astronaut's pay isn't great, but we make a lot in mileage allowances.'

'Sir, you're not going to believe this but the vatican is preparing to move into our territory.'

Alpha Centuri crushes earth in straight sets.

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

God Sneezes Out Creation

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Clown God

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Remember when we kicked him off Mars?"

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

Water is discovered on the moon....

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'