Herb-loving Humorist Gifts

A woman sprinkles herbs in a restuarant

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Medicinal plants

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Modern Witch Shoppe

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

God builds the first lawn mower.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

"What you smell son is called a cigarette: A sure sign that humans are around and we should flee..."

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

Crazy paving company.