Herb-loving Humorist Gifts

A woman sprinkles herbs in a restuarant

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Medicinal plants

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Modern Witch Shoppe

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

Man is injured transporting cacti.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

Crazy paving company.

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

God builds the first lawn mower.

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

"What you smell son is called a cigarette: A sure sign that humans are around and we should flee..."