Hellfire Comedienne Gifts

Hell's Smoking Section

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'What do you mean, you can't get it to light?'

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

Have food. Need toilet paper

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

My Musical Influences

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

'Some men who go through midlife crises have affairs, some buy expensive sports cars, some climb mountains...'

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

Accountants around the campfire.

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

"Yes I know Dear. Tiger Woods is playing here today!"

Some make better deals than others.

"When we left off last night, we were on page 15 of the National Intelligence Estimate. "

"We've decided to try role-swapping."

"Are you a platinum card member?"

'No. This is our top-of-the-line lightweight hiking tent. It's meant to be tight.

The army surplus blanket is great! I never thought you'd be engaged in a government cover-up.

Bear: 'Oh YUM, Burritos!'

"Don't tell me to chill out!"

'For one can we have something other than pellets for dinner?!'

Zombie Camping Menu Planning

Bull chasing campers, "You and your camping holidays for fresh air and excersize!"

'Meat again! That's the last dinosaur I kill.'

'Narcissus goes courting'