Childhood Comedienne Gifts

'I can't, you're sitting on my flippers.'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

Rap music

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Toy plane with pilot eject.

A private jet takes off

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

Rodin's Thinker.

Exit Next Left

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman