Devilish Comedienne Gifts

"Up, please."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Rap music

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

A private jet takes off

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

Exit Next Left

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

Midwest Winter Items.

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

Meowlzebub

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

"What is a drag queen's goal?"