Devilish Humor Seeker Gifts

'WOOSH!' 'Ok, who set off the sprinkler?'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Any references?"

The Final Selfie

Meowlzebub

Going Down?

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

"I'm sorry, but he's having his teeth filed to needle-sharp points. Can I take a message?"

"Oh our assistant, he was donated by a pharmaceutical company."

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"Are you sure that this is really the way? I thought there was a staircase or highway?" "Maybe we should just go back down and pray!"

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

True confession

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'Okay, so you've proved a point - you really do love me!'

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

'They come down here to smoke.'

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

'My investment advice is to relax, stop and smell the roses, dig up the roses, bury a million dollars beneath the roses.'

'Fighting broke out today between rival U. N. peacekeeping factions....'

I think this is the episode of "Leave It to Beaver" where Wally and Eddie chain Lumpy's car to a tree. Couldn

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

"It's talk like a pirate day."