Devilish Humor Seeker Pillows

'WOOSH!' 'Ok, who set off the sprinkler?'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Any references?"

Meowlzebub

The Final Selfie

Going Down?

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

"Oh our assistant, he was donated by a pharmaceutical company."

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

"Are you sure that this is really the way? I thought there was a staircase or highway?" "Maybe we should just go back down and pray!"

"I'm sorry, but he's having his teeth filed to needle-sharp points. Can I take a message?"

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

'They come down here to smoke.'

'Okay, so you've proved a point - you really do love me!'

True confession

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

'My investment advice is to relax, stop and smell the roses, dig up the roses, bury a million dollars beneath the roses.'

"It's talk like a pirate day."

'... And the last thing I remember saying was, 'It oughta be a sin to look this good.''

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

'Fighting broke out today between rival U. N. peacekeeping factions....'

John Dryden