Hellish Humor Seeker Pillows

'What really burns me up is that I just bought this suit!'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'I'm new here...how can you tell the real 'Elvis' from the impersonators?'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."

Special Place in Hell...

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

Heavenly Take Out

True confession

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

'My investment advice is to relax, stop and smell the roses, dig up the roses, bury a million dollars beneath the roses.'

Sportsmen rowers overtaken by the Owl and the Pussycat

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

What should I do? I was answering a prayer and accidentally clicked "reply all."

'Fighting broke out today between rival U. N. peacekeeping factions....'

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"