Hellish Humor Pillows

'I think it's most likely a situational depression.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Special Place in Hell...

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

Type that up, make ten million copies and then shred them.

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

Angel Puppet.

We should be fine, provided we keep one pitchfork apart.

'Where do you see yourself i 500 or say, 5000 millennium?'

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

A cold day in Hell.

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

"I must warn you that the house is haunted but the ghost are mostly interested in doing sexy ceramics."