Hellish Humor Fans Pillows

"Dammit! I just realized, now I'm going to miss the appointment for my second shot."

'Ah, what a relief! The heat waves on Earth were becoming unbearable."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"It's true: no more burpees."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"From this you make a living?"

Going Down?

"Any references?"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

Dentist in ashes - 'Have you been eating garlic?'

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

"Closed until further notice."

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Special Place in Hell...

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'