Hellish Humor Fans Gifts

"Dammit! I just realized, now I'm going to miss the appointment for my second shot."

'Ah, what a relief! The heat waves on Earth were becoming unbearable."

Down here, we prefer "gesundheit."

Type that up, make ten million copies and then shred them.

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"It's true: no more burpees."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"From this you make a living?"

"Any references?"

Going Down?

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'

'That's what I'm talkin' about!'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

"Closed until further notice."

Dentist in ashes - 'Have you been eating garlic?'

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."