Hellish Humor Buff Pillows

Special Place in Hell...

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

"All I'm saying is that you'd sell a lot more if you had Mary on the cover."

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. When I was your age I slept with the nightlight on in my coffin, too."

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

'Where do you see yourself i 500 or say, 5000 millennium?'

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

A man with a unibrow sneezes and the unibrow becomes his moustache.

We should be fine, provided we keep one pitchfork apart.