Hellish Humor Buff Pillows

Special Place in Hell...

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Hellbillies.

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"All I'm saying is that you'd sell a lot more if you had Mary on the cover."

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

"Oh for God's sake, Vera, don't be so squeamish!"

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. When I was your age I slept with the nightlight on in my coffin, too."

Type that up, make ten million copies and then shred them.

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

'So where are you going?'

A man with a unibrow sneezes and the unibrow becomes his moustache.

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."