Hellish Humor Aficionado Pillows

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"I hope you don't mind leftovers."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"From this you make a living?"

'Frankendumpty'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"It's not so bad! But I DO have to sleep on my side. . .2

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

God's Law.

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Hellbillies.

"Tell me more about the voices in your neck."

Special Place in Hell...

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Scary Marshmallow Campfire Stories.

'Nothing much happened in the Middle East today.... Ha! -- Just kidding.'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

The next time he sees a squirrel, you take the leash.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"It's good luck."

Next Terrifying Military Threats

"All we seem to be catching is little ones. We must be too close to their spawning grounds."

"The world isn't ready for a book like this. How would you feel about publishing it posthumously?"