Helium Humorists Gifts

Balloon heads

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

"On your left."

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

"Well if it isn't Mr J.R.Hartley!"

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

'I'm afraid we already have a St. Bernard up here.'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

"Glad to see you Hotchkins... Abernathy must have been the company embezzler!"

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

Supply was out of harps.

Fauna Hybrids

Gods has caged angel as pet.

'In doggy heaven, everyone is allowed on the couch.'

A stranger in paradise.

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'