Hellscape Humorists Gifts

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Hellbillies.

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

Special Place in Hell...

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

"Good news! Our septic tank is shot."

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

Type that up, make ten million copies and then shred them.

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

We should be fine, provided we keep one pitchfork apart.

A cold day in Hell.

'Where do you see yourself i 500 or say, 5000 millennium?'

Angel Puppet.

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

'Now, cut that out!'