Helium Humorist Gifts

The Balloon Mafia at work.

"You must be Harold's son. Harold speaks very highly of you."

Using balloons to weigh less.

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

"That's enough birthday balloons! She's already going, I mean growing, up too fast!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Sock Puppet in Literature

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

"On your left."

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Hellbillies.

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

Fauna Hybrids

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

When rednecks and techies network.

The World of People

'A metal plate in your head does not qualify as a helmet.'

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

'Get on the field! Let's go! Get your heads in the game!!'

We should be fine, provided we keep one pitchfork apart.

Angel Puppet.

A cold day in Hell.

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'