Helium Humorist T-Shirts

The Balloon Mafia at work.

"You must be Harold's son. Harold speaks very highly of you."

Party balloons. Looks like an inside job. Helium.

Using balloons to weigh less.

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

"That's enough birthday balloons! She's already going, I mean growing, up too fast!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

"On your left."

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

Hellbillies.

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

Fauna Hybrids

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

When rednecks and techies network.

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

How scientists classify the Elements vs how students classify the Elements.

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

The World of People

Gavel me once, shame on you; gavel me twice, shame on me.

'A metal plate in your head does not qualify as a helmet.'

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

'Get on the field! Let's go! Get your heads in the game!!'