Millennium Humorist Gifts

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Middle-Age Superheroes

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Radiator jazz player

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"He's an indoor cat."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Guitar pickin'

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Pop Top Ice FIshing

Rap-scallions

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

This man is an island.

Double Saxophone

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

No Instruments Please

Dr. Phil takes it home.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"Ding" "Dong"

"Y'know, sooner or later we're going to have to let her go out unaccompanied."

Now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto.

"There can be no doubt. This proves it. We gotta have more cow bell."