Millennium Humorist Gifts

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"He's an indoor cat."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

Rap-scallions

This man is an island.

Pop Top Ice FIshing

Double Saxophone

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

"Ding" "Dong"

No Instruments Please

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

Dr. Phil takes it home.

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"Y'know, sooner or later we're going to have to let her go out unaccompanied."

"There can be no doubt. This proves it. We gotta have more cow bell."

Maurice Ravel.