Millennial Humor Gifts

"Well, go get a job and move out if your allowance doesn't have the purchasing power it did when you were fourteen."

The First Millennial Robin of Spring

Happy Valentine's Day, Millennial,

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

Wifi in Hell

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"He's an indoor cat."

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"The season finale of the world is near."

Bubbies and technology

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

"Give me an F-Hashtag."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

"Mom, does granddad want me to run away? He's playing that Disco music again!"

"Avocado...t-toast..."

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

"Greatest Band?"

High pants/Low pants.

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"Who made this mess?"

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

I found the most amazing Youtube show. It's about an angel who helps people. Oh yeah? Yeah. And he drives around with some burly guy with a big beard. They wear '80s clothes and don't have any special effects. It's a perfect period show. Wait … are you talking about "Highway to Heaven"? That's not a period show, that was made in the '80s. Even you have to know that. Thanks for ruining it for me.

"Look, I'm really having trouble with my computer. I need it to work and I need it now...and your fancy schmancy jargon isn't helping much."

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

"My dad says at some point in your life, fashion isn't important anymore. You basically wear nylon slacks and guayaberas every day."

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

"If he wags his tail, it's a 'Like'."

"I bet you've filled your head with so many tweets and Instagrams that you've crowded out all your actual memories of your own life." "Nonsense." "I remember way back, all the way to... well let's see... Oh, I've got it... My earliest memory was opening an America Online CD, putting it in our old PC, and seeing that symbol." "You do realize that was the 1990s, don't you? You must have already been in your teens." "You are a very sick generation." "I get misty-eyed when I think back to

"Herbert! You don't know how to order here! It's a different language...they'll eat you alive!"