Millennial Humor Pillows

"Well, go get a job and move out if your allowance doesn't have the purchasing power it did when you were fourteen."

The First Millennial Robin of Spring

Happy Valentine's Day, Millennial,

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"He's an indoor cat."

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"The season finale of the world is near."

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"Give me an F-Hashtag."

"I'm kinda over all this snow. . . I'm ready for spring."

"Mom, does granddad want me to run away? He's playing that Disco music again!"

"Greatest Band?"

"Avocado...t-toast..."

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

High pants/Low pants.

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

"Who made this mess?"

'Jeremy, you disgusting little pervert!'

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

"Look, I'm really having trouble with my computer. I need it to work and I need it now...and your fancy schmancy jargon isn't helping much."

"My dad says at some point in your life, fashion isn't important anymore. You basically wear nylon slacks and guayaberas every day."

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

"I bet you've filled your head with so many tweets and Instagrams that you've crowded out all your actual memories of your own life." "Nonsense." "I remember way back, all the way to... well let's see... Oh, I've got it... My earliest memory was opening an America Online CD, putting it in our old PC, and seeing that symbol." "You do realize that was the 1990s, don't you? You must have already been in your teens." "You are a very sick generation." "I get misty-eyed when I think back to

Evolution

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

"Quick, before the shock wave hits."

"Herbert! You don't know how to order here! It's a different language...they'll eat you alive!"

"If he wags his tail, it's a 'Like'."

Metamorphosis: Nature's Magnificent Reveal