Millennial Humor Aficionado Pillows

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

"He's an indoor cat."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"The season finale of the world is near."

"Yeah, I want a neck tat with gothic lettering that says, 'Welcome to a career in the fast food service industry.'"

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'Boy squeezing a spot at boy squirting silly string'

"Avocado...t-toast..."

Hits Needed, please click.

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

Statue Selfie

"I don't think this is a diner about being a diner. I think this is just a diner."

"Well, go get a job and move out if your allowance doesn't have the purchasing power it did when you were fourteen."

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

Happy Valentine's Day, Millennial,

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

'I need a haircut...maybe I should enlist.'

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

'Bread crumbs? Didn't Hansel and Gretel have GPS on their phones?'

"You never write, phone, text, email, tweet, smoke signal or radio you mother anymore,"

'The stylist got our instructions mixed up.'

Global Skate Boards...senior discount: 'High school SENIORS, Dude!'

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

"That growth spurt I was waiting for didn't quite turn out the way I'd hoped."

"Typical teenager-straight for the burger bar."

The First Millennial Robin of Spring

"Save the loaves for the other 4,999. I am gluten intolerant."

"Quick, before the shock wave hits."

"But first we're going to watch your phone die."

'Don't email me. I'll email you.'

"If he wags his tail, it's a 'Like'."

Beware the middle class.