Millennial Humorist Pillows

"He's an indoor cat."

"So then my mom says to me, 'You're 27 years old with a useless degree in French philosophy, a $67,000 student loan debt, living in our basement...you need to get a job and get out on your own!'..."

"Hi. We're all in the eighteen-to-thirty-four-year-old age group that you're a member of. Come on out and play with us."

Renting is so expensive these days, why don't you move back in with your parents?

"If he wags his tail, it's a 'Like'."

Millenial Peacock

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"It's a 'selfie.'"

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Dad, it's not a homing pigeon, just a canary on an elastic band."

Better Living Through Technology

"Lemonade App: $1"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"The season finale of the world is near."

'It says I can't access Pharaoh's tablet unless I'm on his buddies list.'

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

"Give me an F-Hashtag."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

"Er, sorry guys. It didn't look this big on instagram!"

"Relax kid, you're going to be for awhile."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

"Avocado...t-toast..."

The First Selfie!

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

"Look at the bright side, you finally have followers."

"Stop saying 'Content is King'!"