Heightened Humorist Gifts

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

"Robert is part of our extended family."

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Champagne at the hunt

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'This is getting to be too much for me. I'm thinking of becoming a middlebrow.'

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

New years resolutions

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

"Check it out, guys. Finally got my wine legs!"

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"I told you there's no 11th flooooor!"

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A garden Part 10

Frisbee Flies By Mountain Climbers

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

Bra falling from the sky.

Airport. Taxi. Everybody I drive to the airport seems to lose their fear of flying.

"For heaven’s sake, I said ‘fetch.’ Not ‘fly’!"

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

"This leads to the actual library."

mountain climer finding a guru wearing a covid mask and a sign that says 6 feet please.

'This qualifies you to make educated guesses.'

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

"Even though it's an honorary degree, we have to bill you for 4 years of tuition."